As 2019 came wandering in, I couldn’t help but think about things that had come to pass in 201. I think we all do it — at least for a second or two — a short little daydream about what we could have done differently.
A new year always brings thoughts of new resolutions: some people want to lose weight, others want to make more money, eat healthier, become an astronaut, take a cooking class in Italy, become a professional wrestler — I know I’m rambling, so I’ll stop.
I’m not one for regretting my past mistakes. I make mistakes all the time, but I feel those mistakes and shortcomings are best left forgotten. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish to change things about myself or my life.
Christy and I recently talked in some detail about our lives, if we are happy and if we are where we want to be. She answered my question without me even asking. She said that she is so glad to be taking a life risk and not worrying about having a steady job.
“Five years ago, I couldn’t say that I had taken the steps to make my dreams a reality. It’s not exactly as I had envisioned it, but I am happy with the way things are turning out,” she stated confidently.
My New Year’s resolution is to take advantage of more opportunities and not let my anxiety drag me down. Yep, one of my worst fears is heights. I hate them!! It’s odd because I’ve been skydiving, flown helicopters and travel on planes often. But it’s those little heights that get me — like a tall mesh staircase or a cliff on the side of the mountain.
More than a couple of times, this fear has stopped me from doing things. I get vertigo, plain and simple, but I’ve been learning to breathe and work it out. It got so bad one time that I couldn’t walk all the way onto a paved bridge in Taos, NM. I had to hold onto the side railing and tried to focus on the yellow line in the middle of the road.
The second part of my resolution is this: there are times when I feel I haven’t pushed the envelope enough and I have just given up. Like that scuba certification, I never finished or that guitar which now sits dormant in my closet. Oh, and I also get seasick. I really want to get over it, but all I can think of is getting used to hurling over the side.
I guess my resolution is to explore and feel more childlike and wondrous about life. I want to seek out all this life has to offer, to succeed and fail, but all the while trying to make the most out of each and every day.
There are more than a few of us that get stuck or feel like we could do more in this life. Maybe you zone out sometimes (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty) and wonder if things could be different.